Pros and cons of being single during 2020, and how to do better, be better during 2021.
2020 has been quite the… ride? It’s difficult to conclude it simply, and it cannot be done with just one adjective. Especially for all of you singles out there, like me, this year has been quite challenging on many different aspects and levels.
At the very beginning back in March, I hated it, I feared it and couldn’t wait for this nightmare to be over. Then, once I realised it won’t be ending any time soon, I peeled myself out of bed and binge watching – and started doing something with myself. Yes, this year sucked, and in many ways I feel like I missed out and wasted so much time. But I also believe that it brought with it many positive aspects and opportunities, that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Why 2020 was the worst year for singles:
1. No dating or meeting new people
For those of you hoping to fall in love in 2020, or at least meet someone, you were probably much disappointed. This year, with all the lockdowns, restrictions and infected people, has been quite rough on the dating scene. At the beginning of this year, I was still a little desperate to find someone, and I was worried about not finding anyone. There are less places to meet people and no places to actually go out to. And even if you do find a place, you risk getting sick. Or infecting others.
2. No sex life
While married people / people in relationships get an unlimited supply, as singles, it is more difficult and complex. I’m not germaphobic, but this year has brought a small piece of it out in me. So I wouldn’t be intimate in any way, with anyone. Whether it be people that you know from before, or someone you had somehow just met – There’s a huge risk of getting infected or infecting. But at least you become a pro at pleasuring yourself…
3. No one to fall back on
As much as I’m independent and love being my own woman, it’s still a bit rough at times to not have a partner to fall back on. While I do have supportive parents and friends, there’s a limit to how much I can lean on them. Especially since I’ve never liked leaning on people, it’s always been hard for me. So this year has come along with many financial fears and worries about the future, that I had no one but myself to count on to overcome.
4. Making huge life decision and changes alone
Since March, when this all started, I have faced so many changes and huge decisions, like I’m sure many of you have, too. I’ve never been a good decision maker, and could never really make up my mind alone. Which is something I’ve worked on a lot and improved since I’ve been singled. But especially with life changing decisions, like quitting and starting new jobs, moving back to my mums house, becoming a freelancer and more… It can be very scary facing them alone.
5. Forced to spend time alone
While I do believe that alone isn’t lonely, and I really learned how to love my own company, even I have my limits. Like I’m sure many of you do, too. Especially when it’s forced upon you, and you have to spend so much more time alone. You don’t get to see your family and friends as you used to, which for me was the worst part.
Why 2020 was the best year for singles:
1. Free space and time to work on the things you want and love
Oh how I love my own space. It’s one of the biggest perks of being single, in my opinion. To the point where I feel like I’m being invaded, the moment anyone nears or enters my radius. During 2020 it only grew and enhanced, and I loved having all the time and space I wanted and needed. To do whatever I want without anyone to interrupt me, anyone to demand my attention. I could devote my whole time to growing my blog, writing, drawing, puzzles and anything else my heart desired.
2. You can make whatever life changing decisions you want
While these are scary, as I’ve mentioned above, the ability to make these decisions alone, are also quite liberating. They helped me become more decisive and decision making skills, which as I’ve also mentioned above, needed some improvement. I could do what I want, when I want without worry for anyone other than myself. Like changing jobs, like moving out of my apartment and back in with my mum – which is likely something I wouldn’t be able to do if I was in a relationship. I can take professional and financial risks as I see fit, and no one can tell me otherwise. No one can tell me what to do and not to do.
3. No one else if affected or is taken into consideration
All of the mentioned decisions and changes can be made, without having to take anyone else into consideration. Without worrying how it will affect someone else, who else would get hurt or impacted. I was the only one at risk, and that helped me take those chances that I have been dying to take. Besides being able to be my own woman and make my own decision, by what is good for me and no one else… It’s also quite a relief that I can’t harm anyone else, that no one else will suffer the consequences because of me, should anything go wrong.
4. Growing closer to yourself
This has definitely been one of my favourite aspects of being single during 2020. I got to spend some much needed quality time with myself, time I didn’t have due to a tight schedule before – with hectic work and school. But during the lockdown, I finally had the chance to take my time and pamper myself. Spend my days self caring and learning how to develop a relationship with myself. This time really helped me grow closer to myself and learn how to love myself.
5. Getting to spend as much alone time as you want
While I did miss meeting up with friends and seeing them and my family, there was also something quite liberating about being able to stay home by myself without being judged. No one told me that I’m lazy, that I’m anti-social, that it’s not okay that I’m not meeting up with them. Because we couldn’t and I do love my alone time, so it was nice to not feel bad about spending all the time I wanted with myself, locked up in my room. After neglecting myself for so long, after not having barely any time for myself – it was nice to have as much of it as I wanted.
That being said, what can we all take with us into 2021, to make it even better?
1. Be Definitive – Focus on the one or two specific things that you’re good at, and don’t stray too much. Have a very clear, distinguished and strong target and goals. If you stretch yourself too thin, or focus on things you’re just not as good at, you won’t last.
2. Perseverance – Don’t give up, even if it seems like you’re not making any progress – because you’re probably advancing more than you can see. Push through the hard times, even when it’s frustrating and near impossible.
3. Personal Development – no matter your relationship status, make some time for yourself. Whether it be hobbies, self care or dates – it’s important to schedule uninterrupted or rushed pampering with yourself.
4. Self Empathy – Be forgiving and kind to yourself. It’s okay to make mistakes, to make stupid decisions, we’ve all been there and done that. So don’t reprimand yourself for it, just learn and be better from it. Mistakes are the best teachers and stepping stones.
5. Life Detox – Extract toxic people and things from your life. Don’t be shy or forgiving while removing someone or something that isn’t good for you. If it causes you physical or emotional harm, more headaches, heartaches and sadness than positivity – it has to go!
2020 has definitely been one crazy rollercoaster ride…
It faced me with many fears and challenges, and there were moments where I had no idea how to cope. Moments where I was hoping and praying it would be over soon. But there were also moments where I loved it. Where I finally got to do all the things I wanted to do for the longest time. And yeah, as awful as it may sound, there are moments where I don’t want it to end. I have no idea if and how I would be able to go back to a “normal” pre-2020 routine. Perhaps I never will.
I choose to look at the positive aspects of all the many things I have gained this year. Things that I would have never had the time and freedom to do otherwise. I had so much free time to just work on my blog, without having to worry about money or having to be anywhere – because I’m getting unemployment money. I got to spend some much needed time with myself and with all of my loved ones. And most importantly, I learned how to embrace my singleness and be even more happy to be single.
Here’s to new beginnings!
Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
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