Top 10 single life lessons and highlights to help you embrace yourself and your singleness, and learn how to be single and happy.
This month I am marking the end of the first years of my blog. Throughout this year of writing about single life and all of the life lessons I learned from being single… Have helped me embrace my life and my singleness even further. Writing about it and breaking it down into blog posts and lists, have helped me realize just how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned. And getting to share it all with you has definitely been a highlight in itself.
In this blog post I would like to share with you the top ten highlights (in no particular order) of single life, and the life lessons that I’ve learned from them. Each highlight moment and single life lesson, is also marked by a specific blog post I’ve written on the topic during this year. Of course I’m proud of all my work and posts, but I feel like these are the top ten that conclude them all the best.
One of the biggest, most important lessons I’ve learned from being single – is to love myself first and foremost. And how to love myself properly, without relying or depending on others. Before singlehood, I would seek so much validation from others, especially boyfriends. My love for myself was dependent on their love for me. Not to mention, that some of them I even loved so much more than I loved myself. When you’re too focused on relationships, on our partner, and not enough on ourselves… You can never truly love yourself like you deserve. If you’re constantly putting others before you, or prioritizing their love for you above your own… Then you’re not going to value yourself enough, and your own self love will be worthless. While being single, you can take the time to truly focus on nourishing your own love for yourself. You can learn how to do it right and properly, not only for yourself, but also so others can love you like you deserve.
Many people find this one silly, and even awkward. If you’re single, it’s time to shift that mindset and start seeing it as something which is not only crucial, but great fun as well. Just like we go on dates with potential partners, friends or family…. We also need to take ourselves out on dates. And no, you don’t have to go all out and sit at a fancy restaurant feeling like a sore thumb. While I do think it’s a great test to how comfortable you are with yourself, and one should feel able to do so without feeling bad… I personally don’t think it necessary for dating yourself. You can also do low-key dates, that are much less intense and just as effective, if not more. If you want to learn how to love yourself properly and how to enjoy your own company, then you need to date yourself. And when you do that, you’ll also be much better on dates with others. So take advantage of your singlehood to learn how to take yourself on dates, thus growing closer to you.
Personally, since I was a young girl I could always spend hours on my own. Perhaps it was also due to the fact that I didn’t have many friends, or confidence to make new friends… But either way, it was never something I was a stranger to. That being said, however, I did still feel very awkward in my own company, in my own skin, especially around others. I always felt like a sore thumb, out of place or just didn’t like being seen alone outside. When you’re in a relationship especially, you tend to neglect your own company and want to spend all your time with them. Or value their company more than your own. When you’re single, however, and take advantage of this time to actually spend some quality time with yourself… You actually learn how to value that time, how to spend it wisely and utilize it to grow more comfortable in your own presence, company and skin.
Finding ways to fill your life, what to do in your own company is one thing… Actually enjoying and loving being single, is a completely different story. Because you can enjoy your own company, and you can love yourself dearly, without actually being truly happy with your single status. It’s not necessarily important to actually be happy to be single, it’s not the most important thing to focus on, as long as you love yourself… However, I do think that it’s a great life lesson to learn, because when you’re happy on your own… Not only is your overall happiness in life better, but you also find better relationships. When you’re single and happy, you’re less likely to jump into unnecessary and bad relationships… You’re content enough to wait patiently for the right one to come along, and not settle for less.
This one is probably one of the cringiest, if not the cringe worthy life lesson from being single. You probably have at least one person, if not more, who immediately comes to mind when you think toxic, or chasing someone. Unfortunately this seems to be like a right of passage, and a lot of us need to experience this to actually learn something valuable. And as painful as it is, and as much as we would like to erase and forget, there are many hidden, wonderful lessons to be learned. Unless you’ve actually gone through it, I think it’s much harder to learn how not to chase, how to not put up with toxic behaviours. After chasing the wrong person, you learn exactly who and what you’re not willing to put up with. What to avoid at all costs, and most importantly – what exactly are the red flags to look out for.
Here as well, there’s a difference between loving yourself and embracing yourself. It’s a fine line, which is not always noticeable, and can be quite confusing. You can mistake one for the other, and it’s important to learn the subtle differences. You can love yourself a lot, but still not quite embrace all that you are. Embracing yourself means accepting and loving not only who you are right now… But also loving and accepting the “ugly” or “imperfect” parts of you. It means truly embracing all of those scars, quirks and weirdnesses, loving them no less than your beautiful parts. It means loving who you are with them, and seeing how they actually make you even more beautiful and great. There’s nothing more gorgeous than you when you accept and embrace all that you are – beautiful, imperfect and scarred. That is what makes you different, special and unique.
Life is all about seizing the moment, taking advantage of opportunities and going on adventures. When you’re single, and learn how to actually embrace it, you also learn that life has so much more to offer than just marriage and kids. There are so many other adventures to go on, and so many more opportunities to actually go on them. It’s not to say that you can’t have adventures when you’re married, because you can. But when you’re single you have so many more options, in my opinion. You have much more freedom and space, you can be much more spontaneous… And you don’t have anyone else to take into consideration or worry about. And an important life lesson I learned from being single, is how to find these adventures, and take advantage of them – which will also help you embrace your singleness better.
Unfortunately, wallowing over mistakes you made, and falling into that rabbit whole of obsessing over them… Is all too easy. The hard part is to let them go and keep moving forward. As wonderful as single is, and as many opportunities it provides, there are also so much more room for error and mistakes. I made many cringe worthy mistakes throughout my singlehood, which I’d much rather forget. And for a long time I let the regret and bitterness consume me. But with time, the more I learned how to embrace myself and my singleness, the more I learned how to embrace my mistakes as well. Not only did I learn how to let them go and move forward from them… I also learned how to use them as life lessons that help me be and do better.
We’ve all felt lonely, we all know how terrible, downing and drowning it can be. So it’s no wonder we try to avoid it at all costs, and that we hate it so much. Even if that means we treat our own company like punishment. Or jump into all the wrong relationships. Chase people who treat us badly, and more. However, if you take the time to actually be single… When you take the plunge and leap into it despite the fear… Once you pass the initial struggle, it slowly and gradually becomes much easier. And in the end you even learn how to love your lonesome. How not to feel lonely when you’re single and alone. Beside the fact that fear of loneliness isn’t a good enough reason to start a new relationship, or stay in a current one… Facing scary situations and actions, is necessary for getting to better places. If you keep avoiding facing your fears, you’ll keep living in fear. And you’ll probably stay stuck in place, making no progress to anywhere.
The absolute best part of being single is by far the almost complete freedom. Even in the most open and understanding of relationships, there are restrictions that cannot be avoided. When you’re single, however, you have no one to tell you what to do, when to do it or how to do it. There’s no one to tell you you can’t, no one else you’re responsible for, or anyone you have to constantly keep updated and posted. You have the freedom to choose how and with whom to spend your time. The freedom, in my opinion, is definitely the greatest highlight of single life, and one you should be focusing on. And one of the greatest life lessons I’ve learned from single life, is how to actually take advantage of it. To utilize it best, to help you overcome any struggles you may have with being single.
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