These are the top ten perks of being single that you should be focusing on, and that will help you embrace yourself and your singleness.
In this blog post:
- Choosing how to spend your time
- No one to answer to
- Physical space around you
- Discovering more relationships
- Being spontaneous
- No drama, stress or pressure
- Focusing on personal development
- Having more opportunities
- Financial control
One of society’s biggest misconceptions and stigmas about being single (and in general), is that it’s lesser than being in relationships. We grow up learning and believing that we need to strive for romance. That one of our biggest life goals should be getting married and having kids. And that being single should be avoided at all costs, because it’s miserable and lonely. Society’s so focused on the negative aspects of being single, and so we tend to overlook the perks and benefits. And believe me, there are many.
Of course being single has its own disadvantages, just like anything else in life. And that’s okay, and we need to learn how to embrace it all, but focus on the perks. Once you push past that invisible line, and the pressure all around you… You quickly realise that there’s a whole, wonderful world to discover. It’s not to say that being single is better, there is no better or worse. Only what’s best for you. And if you find yourself single, these perks can help you embrace it and yourself, instead of escaping it.
1. Choosing how to spend your time
When you’re in a relationship, no matter how open you are, there will always be at least a small sliver of pressure. A pressure that will not allow you to do what you want, when you want and however you want. You can’t just spend your time freely as you see fit, because there’s a whole other human being relying on you. Someone you have a relationship with, which demands your time and attention. Which will inevitably take away from your own time for yourself.
When you’re single, you don’t have that person, that one relationship that controls how you spend your time. The only relationship that is controlling your time, is the one you have with yourself. No one else can tell you what to do, when to do and how to do it. Only you can decide that. When you choose and control your own time, you become more independent and decisive. Which gives you that sense of being strong and fulfilled. Choosing how to spend your own time, gives you control of your own life and happiness.
2. No one to answer to
When you’re in a relationship, you can’t just ignore the world around you and do your own thing whenever you want. You have a relationship with another person, and you have to start keeping them posted about your whereabouts and what you’re up to. Your significant other will not only worry about you and want to know what, when and where you’re doing. But will also want explanations, and probably that you even consult with them.
When you’re single, you don’t have to always be available, you can disconnect for as long as you want, without worrying. There’s no one you need to keep updated about your day, or the decisions and choices you make. No one to ask “permission’ from, or consult with regarding daily tasks, changes and activities you participate in. You don’t have to explain yourself, and why you did or chose something. Having no one to answer to, gives you the power to live your own life, in your own way without feeling guilty.
3. Physical space around you
When you’re in a relationship, and especially if you live together, you need to share your space. You can’t just take over everything in your radius, and put things wherever you want. You need to share your space with another person – every part of it. The closet, your bed, shelves and drawers space, and more. This means you have to be very conscious and careful with where you put and leave your things.
When you’re single, you don’t have to share any of the space around you, and you can do with it as you will. You can spread your things out however you want, and put them anywhere without worrying about taking up too much space. Which means you don’t have to constantly be conscious, or worry about making a mess or touching someone else’s things. You also don’t have to worry about someone else touching or moving your things without asking. Having the space around you for yourself, gives you more space to just do your thing, and less sense of it being invaded.
4. Discovering more relationships
When you’re in a relationship, your sole focus is on that one romantic relationship, which tends to consume you and your time. I have yet to meet a couple that hasn’t devoted most of their time to each other, and neglected other relationships as a result. It’s inevitable when you’re in a romantic relationship, it usually also happens without us realising… You will spend most of your free time with them. And probably even feel bad when you don’t.
When you’re single, you don’t focus on just one person and your relationship with them. You discover that there is more than one type of relationship. With all that free space and time, you start to reconnect with friends, family and more people around you. Instead of just one romantic relationship, you now have an array of platonic relationships. And when you have that variety, you feel fuller, and each person fills a different void. Discovering all of these new relationships, reconnecting with people you neglected, means you’re not depending yourself and your happiness on just one person.
5. Being spontaneous
When you’re in a relationship, you can’t just be spontaneous and decide things in the spur of the moment. You can’t just up and leave or go on a sudden adventure, without considering them or consulting and asking for their opinion and “permission”. There is another person in the equation who is affected by your choices, decisions and actions. So you can’t just do whatever you want and what’s best for you. You can’t just act on whim, you need to check in first, or not do it at all.
When you’re single, you can be as spontaneous as you want, and make decisions without having to worry about anyone else. Obviously you also have obligations, like work or a pet, but it’s much easier to go on adventures when it’s only you. Because you don’t have to ask or consult anyone else, and no one will pull faces at you, or make you feel bad for it. Which also means you can just go and disconnect, and no one will be waiting for your call. Being spontaneous, means you can go on more adventures and have more experiences… Truly take advantage of all life has to offer.
6. No drama, stress or pressure
When you’re in a relationship, no matter how in love and how strong the connection is, there will always be more drama. particularly if you’re living together, and even more so if you’re married, and especially when you have kids. Having arguments and fights are part of the territory. Not to mention how much more stressful it is to constantly have to not only worry and care for yourself, but also for others. And even more so when you have kids. There’s also the pressure to give from yourself, to pay attention and time.
When you’re single, there are no arguments and fights, there is no one to get on your nerves and upset you. No one who will disappoint you and cause you stress and pain. No one that can disappoint and let you down. There’s no tension or stress, at least not in that intensity, because you don’t have to worry for anyone but yourself. You don’t have anyone who will demand your attention or make you feel bad for not giving it. Everything’s just so much easier and lighter. Having no drama, stress or pressure, means life is so much simpler and you can live your life freely.
7. Focusing on personal development
When you’re in a relationship, you’re not only devoting your time and space to them… You’re also giving them a part of you. So you will always be at least a little reliant on them, whether you like it or not. Furthermore, your happiness and well being depends on them and they also usually have a great effect on you. Which also means, you not only have less time to work on your one development… You’re also weakening it, because your time and energy is invested into your partner and relationship.
When you’re single, you can devote all of your time, energy and space to yourself, without feeling guilty. You can take advantage of your singlehood to work on your own self relationship and self growth. No one can make you feel bad and guilty for it, and you won’t need to share yourself with anyone. Which will make you stronger and more independent, so your happiness isn’t dependent on anyone but you. Being able to focus on your personal development empowers you, gives you the reins to your own life and you can be the best version of yourself… Without giving any of you away.
8. Having more opportunities
When you’re in a relationship, no matter how much you allow each other, and how understanding you are… There will automatically be a lot of opportunities that will be blocked off for you. Because you can’t just go, do and try things whenever and however you want. You can’t just do what’s best for you or go for presented opportunities, because there’s another person to consider, someone who is counting on you. So it limits your opportunities, and prevents you from just going for it.
When you’re single, you don’t have to pass on those opportunities if you don’t want to. You can take a new job far away, you can go on a trip of a lifetime, and you can also go on a special retreat, etc. There’s no one else that you need to take into consideration, and you have only your own priorities to take into account. Which means you can do what’s best for you, and not give up or settle for anything you don’t want to. Having more opportunities means you can take more risks without fear. Which is usually more likely to lead to success.
9. Financial control
When you’re in a relationship, while you do have the comfort and security of having a second income… You also can’t just spend yours or their money without consulting or considering them. If you’re living together, especially if you’re married and even more so with kids… You can’t just buy or spend the money however you want, and many times also without having to discuss it first. It’s no longer just yours, because now you’re part of a unit. And while that’s great, it also means you’re limited.
When you’re single, while you don’t have that comfort and security of having a second income… You have the comfort and security of knowing that you’re not harming or risking anyone else’s income. Also, you don’t have anyone to explain yourself and your spendings to. There’s no one to consult or consider before you spend money, or someone who will question anything you want to buy. When you’re in control of your own finances, and have no one else to take into account… You’re more independent and can invest in whatever you see fit.
When you’re in a relationship, no matter how much freedom they give you, there will always be some form of restrictions. It’s just part of being in a relationship. And while I’m sure that with the right person, you’ll be willing to make that compromise… It’s still giving up a part of you and your freedom to do what, when, where and however you want. There are invisible handcuffs tying you down and holding you back from living your life on your own terms.
When you’re single, you don’t have any of those restrictions, you have so much more time and space to just be you. No one can cut your wings and prevent you from soaring, thus bringing you back “into reality”. You can dream as big and as crazy as you want, without anyone holding you back. You also have the freedom of time and space to actually invest yourself into whatever you want, whenever and however. When you’re single and have your freedom, there are no cuffs locking you up and holding you down. You can just fly as high as you want, without worrying.
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