These are the five top tips and tricks for overcoming the fear of single life and loneliness. How to face the fear of singleness and being lonely – and use it to do, and be better.
Fear is an interesting thing, because more often than not, it prevents you from doing the things, and making the changes that are best for you. For example, I overstayed my welcome in a relationship that was bad for me. I did so out of fear of being alone, but turns out, being alone was exactly what I needed. At the time I was also having anxiety, and I was afraid to break up with him because he was the only one who knew about it. And I thought I needed him. But almost as soon as we broke up, most of the anxiety dissipated. Now I believe that part of the reason I even had anxiety to begin with was because I was with him.
One of the biggest takeaways from this, and many other mistakes I made out of fear… Is that you need to face your fears head on and not let them control you. Because that will only make it worse. Because on the other side of fear, stands exactly what you need and where you need to be. Here are a few tips and tricks that helped me overcome the fear of single life and loneliness:
1. Surround yourself with a strong support system
One of the main things that I preach about, is that alone isn’t lonely. That just because you’re single, does not mean you drown in loneliness. You need to have friends – close friendships that you can count on. That will provide you with both fun and stability. I always say that you want quality over quantity. You want friends that will be there for you no matter what. Friends that care and always listen when you need them too. And that you will always be there for them too. Because true friendships are all about give and take. They’re about mutual love and care.
Just like life is more than just about getting married and having kids, it’s also about more than just romantic relationships. There are so many types of relationships that you can have and create… Why depend all your happiness on just one type? Personally, if I had to choose between having my BFF and having a husband, I will always choose my best friend. You have friends, you have family… So if you’re feeling lonely and need to fill a void – turn to them. Don’t jump into a new relationship, just to voice being single and alone. Because that will only make things worse.
2. Build a productive, versatile schedule that will keep you busy
Have you ever noticed how at the end of a long, full day you suddenly realise that you completely forgot about the outside world? Or that thing / someone you’ve been obsessing over? That is exactly what you want to do with your single life. You want to fill it up so much that you completely forget about your loneliness. Just beware of the fine line between avoiding yourself and living your life. It all has to come from a place where you want to take advantage of opportunities. Of creating a world for yourself, that you want to live in. and not from a place where you just want to avoid your own presence and company. Because that won’t help or work.
Make a list of all the small things you want to do, then of all the big dreams. Then spread them out into your schedule. Make sure to set times to meet up with your friends and family, and also time to spend with yourself. Then allocate time for your hobbies, or learning new hobbies. Time for working out – because it’s super important to take care of yourself. And I’m always for challenging myself and trying new things. Also simple stuff like reading a book, building a puzzle, going for a walk, going to the beach or pool. And anything else that you enjoy and love.
3. Practice self love and care
This is another thing that I preach a lot about, I’ve even written a whole post about how to love yourself. Plus so many more references and tips scattered throughout my whole blog and IG. You can’t go through life properly without learning to love yourself first. Read that again. And again and again. As many times as you need until it sinks in. When you don’t love yourself, you can’t possibly expect others too. Nor would you ever truly believe that they do. And when you learn how to love yourself properly… You will not only be much happier in general and with yourself, but you will also be loved by others better.
I always say that self love is a showcase for others on how to love you properly. Bust most importantly, you will set your standards higher and won’t settle for less. And big bonus – you will also attract better love into your life. One of the best ways to show yourself some love, is by actually taking care of yourself. This includes the whole package – pampering, cleansing your life of toxins and staying healthy. Eating properly and working out – because your body is your fortress, and you need to maintain it as best you can.
4. Date yourself – spend quality time alone
Well, the main way to start liking something, is by actually spending time doing it. The more you do it, the more you like it and the better you get at it. You need to make sure to spend high quality time with yourself – away from screens and social media. Just like you go out on dates with others, you need to take yourself out to dates as well. If you’re lost and don’t know where to start from… Just think of your best friend – what do you do with her? Where do you two go? Then try to replicate what you can with yourself. You can start as small and as simple as you want, then grow from there. It really doesn’t have to be anything too intricate.
It can be a stroll in the park or at a nearby hiking trail, or a day at the beach. When you’re feeling brave you can start working your way to more complex things. Take it at your own pace, one step at a time. The more you do it, the easier it will get and the more ideas you will have. When you truly embrace it, I promise you, you will get addicted. If you’re still struggling for ideas – check out my 23 self dates ideas post.
5. Go on exciting adventures
Get out of your comfort zone and just start devouring all that life has to offer. Your singlehood is the best time to start checking things off your bucket list. When you’re single you have so much more freedom and space to do what you want, when you want and however you want. So take advantage of every moment you can, to do all the things you’ve wanted and more. Be spontaneous, dare to do different things and say yes to new opportunities.
Some adventures you can do with your family and friends, but also make sure to go on some adventures alone. Even if you’re with others, you can take designated time for yourself. This is good if you’re scared to do something on your own – like a trip or a hike. You can go with friends and family, or with an organized trip… But while there, take some time for yourself. Whether it be simple as just walking alone, or going to some shops, museums, park or any place else, alone.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
It’s okay to be scared, it’s part of being human. But you shouldn’t let it paralyze you, or prevent you from doing things. And it certainly shouldn’t make you stay in the wrong, probably even harmful place. If you want to have a healthy, strong relationship with yourself and with others, you need to overcome that fear of being single. So accept that it will be hard, and that it will be scary, then just go for it. Spend some time alone, embracing yourself and your singleness.
Stay safe, stay healthy and stay strong!
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